At the very least we need food, water, and sleep to survive.  When a cold or flu take hold, these three components are essential in restoring our health and strength.  A relationship is very much the same. As its own life force, it too has requirements to exist.  These crucial elements ought to be thoroughly evaluated and weighed when a relationship is in need of a checkup.

Experts cannot agree on the perfect balance of food, water, and sleep to remain healthy. This is because it varies among people. Age and activity level are both significant factors that help determine an individual’s perfect balance. Such conditions have the same effect on one’s relationship. The balance continues to be the catalyst for harmony.

Communication, shared priorities, and sex, these are the essentials of a relationship.

That is not to say that they are the only components. Family, finances, free time, future plans along with a slew of factors that don’t start with ‘F’ contribute to the overall wellness of your bond. But if your relationship has come down with a cold; communication, shared priorities, and sex are the foundation.  Everything else can melt away.

Without this trifecta there is no relationship.

In saying that, I ask again, how do you rate sex?

Now, ask yourself, would your partner agree?

If not, see Shared Priorities.

Sex is not only a primal need but it is also an expression of love, togetherness and intimacy that can be matched with no other.

This is not to rate the quality or quantity of your physical relationship. Follow the seduction links if you need help with that.  This is a way to gauge the importance of sex to your relationship.

Understand that this is an ever changing number.  Commonly, there is a very strong co-relation between quantity and importance.  Those who feel that they aren’t ‘getting any’ or complain that is comes about too rarely, will often put a greater importance on sex in the relationship. 

Consider a long distance relationship or when someone in the couple travels; the prolonged union is often extremely sexually charged. Why?  Because sex is the only component that cannot be satisfied across the distance. Phone sex is a small consolation, a temporary substitute – but I encourage THAT all the same.

Another example would be make-up sex. Far from boring, this particular form of love making is known to be fiery and explosive. Why? Because too much communication about shared priorities has squeezed out or neglected the sex element.  Like any starved flame – it flares at the slightest hint of oxygen.

The point is, every couple will find harmony in their relationship using a different ratio depending on where their relationship stands.  All that matters is that both parties agree on that number.

If you have just had a very ‘active’ weekend away, you should find that sex carries less weight on the importance counter- for a little while anyway.  A new relationship usually has a very high necessity for sex as there is no foundation for communication or shared priorities.  Once the couple has established a sense of a history, the other components have had an opportunity to develop. It is then that their numbers begin to shift.

Here’s the catch.  Happiness is achieved when both people agree on the numbers. In order to find that balance, the couple must communicate and establish their shared priorities to determine where sex lies in their pie chart.