In their own right, teens are experts on the ‘now’ that exists in their world. Pop culture, music, movies, television shows, even hot current events regarding environmental issues are their specialties. Teens are excited about coming into their own. Being able to contribute to adult conversations that they have an invested interest in or knowledge of is a big deal. A significant milestone is achieved the moment one can relate and offer an opinion at the grown up table.
The thing about teens is…
…their expertise is limited to the now, rather their ‘now’ as it holds value to them. They have no reference to three years ago.
And when an adult cannot comment on the newest Avril Lavigne‘s song that addresses depression and mental illness the teen then feels empowered even superior to the adult or in this case the parent who is not in the ‘know.’
That feeling goes to their head and then they turn into assholes.
My kids are approaching their teens quickly and I do not want to hate them. So I am doing everything in my power to prepare myself as well as do what it takes to guide them towards becoming the exceptional teens that are not loathed by adults around the world.
Here is how I explained it. Using a deck of cards as a metaphor for knowledge and expertise, I slapped it down on the table. This is you today. All that you know is about today with few proceeding references. You are expected to know everything about today. In five years you will also know about then. I fan the deck out demonstrating less concentrated knowledge on a specific time period. Then I spread the deck out further and explain that is what happens over decades, as in the knowledge of their parents. This is not to minimize the knowledge of others; for there was a time when we were all experts on a ‘today.’ All were relevant at the time and significant in their own right.
I do not know Avril Lavigne’s song about mental illness, but I do know how in 1974, Jaws kept an entire generation out of all bodies of water and how critical Public Enemy was to the music industry as rap found its way to mainstream in the 1990s.
Pulling the deck further apart, I explained that my parents have an even greater wealth of information. It is spread across many more decades just more thinly. All are relevant, all equally as enlightening. I would not dare question my father’s knowledge of the sixties because I wasn’t there just as my kids avoid discussing anything predating 2017 because they haven’t a thing to add.
They are supposed to know more about today than I do.
And if ever they dare be condescending when I am not as knowledgeable about whom Taylor Swift is dating, I have reserved the right to smack them upside the head or pelt them with questions regarding Rodney King and the L.A riots or the impact Quentin Jerome Tarantino had on Hollywood. It’s amazing how quickly their pretentious smug expressions falter when I make mention of something outside of their expertise of today.
I have pleaded with my kids to be respectful no matter what.
Everyone is an expert on something and that deserves not to be minimized or disregarded. We all have a part to play. My concern are the parents who distance themselves from their know it all teens at a time when they need our social guidance the most.
It is perfectly natural to feel empowered with knowledge but constantly impressing upon our young adults that the wisest of us all knows that they know nothing at all.
Praise your teens for engaging in conversation and celebrate their knowledge but instill upon their new developing minds and opinion that their deck of cards remains a short stack.
In the meantime, if my son ever makes fun of me for not knowing the words to the newest Shawn Mendez song I will change the wifi password and send him to his room with the Joshua Tree CD.